


Red, White and Blue: Death of the Winter Soldier

by StarsAndDiamond



Series: Red, White and Blue [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe, Cheating, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Emma, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Sexual Content, ShieldVSHydra, Therapy, War, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 22:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarsAndDiamond/pseuds/StarsAndDiamond
Summary: 2nd Part of Red, White and Blue. Read 'Creating the White Queen' first to avoid confusion. :) On the brink of war our trio starts to question their side and positions as public heroes. While battling their old demons they need to overcome the new stones in their paths.





	1. My Interpretation

The Death of the Winter Soldier

Chapter 1

James sat in a small room. It was only dimly lit. The most light came off from the many screens lining the walls. Six monitors hung opposite the desk he was sitting at. On his desk he neatly organised his folders, addresses, and utensils. He didn’t want just anyone reading what he worked on. It wasn’t a secret just between him and Fury, no. He just didn’t concern himself about informing others of the extent of his new job. Yes, his new job. He might have gone through a very different type of application than others, but he could say that he earned this bit of normality in their different life’s. It’s been three months since Emma ran away. Shortly after Fury cornered him about a job possibility, and Steve about a new psychiatric evaluation, which Steve agreed to without comment. He resented Steve’s for driving away the woman that had the capability and strength to help him, but then again Emma was not the only woman in his life anymore. Emma’s departure made him realise how much work he would have to put into their relationship for her to understand exactly what was happening to him. They didn’t exactly call it a relationship yet, but they took time for each other whenever she came back to the office.

At the moment he was watching the endless motion of the monitors. His job was to keep track of certain agents and former employees. Including Miranda and Emma. He was grateful for the chance to know that they would be safe. At times it was difficult to just watch what was happening to them, but then again it also proved his right to the job. He informed Fury about potential dangers to Shield or the agent. He never joined Steve on missions, he wasn’t cleared for field work and he didn’t want to be. The days of being a soldier were behind him, he had done enough wrong as the Winter Soldier and he would never be able to make it right again. This desk job was exactly what he needed. Some faith into his abilities, the calming to his restless mind of worry and something to keep himself occupied with. It also limited Steve’s time of contacting him. He really wanted to punch him for his stupidity, especially as it seemed so unlike him, but Buck guessed the Steve he remembered was an entirely different person. Then again he also wasn’t so sure if he could trust everything his mind produced. Still, it seemed unlike him to cause such a betrayal. After Emma’s dash from the building and her disappearance Steve hardly spoke a word to any of his colleagues and Sharon. He was adamant to find her, without admitting his mistake. Finding her was only for the sake of her safety and the information she had. It seemed as if Steve didn’t really care about Emma the person anymore. That was what irritated James the most, Steve’s careless act of the hero Captain America who had no life anymore. He remembered Steve telling him about his show during the Second World War when they were huddled up together for warmth in a too cold tent. Then it seemed so unreal to see Steve acting, now he could see the act right through him. Steve needed help, and it’s good that Fury put his foot down against Steve’s behaviour. Emma needed time for herself. There were other ways to ensure her safety. His way for example.

His office was nothing special, he didn’t get special treatment because of who he was and who his friends were. It didn’t need to be especially dark, but he kept it at a dim setting so he could see the screens better. Sometimes he would work through the night and would then lose all sense of time. Then he usually needed some time to adjust back to the bright sunlight. Of course he couldn’t watch the screens twenty-four hours a day. There was someone else who did the other half of his shift, but he hardly met the man. If his suspicions were correct, then one of the active agents he was watching had something to do with him. The same way he was looking out for Miranda and Emma. The other one was slightly taller than him, wide shouldered and wiry. Then again he didn’t even know the name of his colleague as they only ever passed each other after a long shift. In the beginning the other one tried to get to know him, but he was usually too tired, too hungry, too irritated at not being able to do something. Miranda of course scolded him for letting this get in the way with getting to know someone new, but he really didn’t mind. They only ever saw each other a fleeting minute.  Maybe Miranda was right and he needed to try and make new friends around Shield so he could stop holding on to old memories that might not be true. Steve continued his life. Now he had the same chance.

There was hardly any movement on the screen in front of him. Emma lay in her bed resting peacefully while her roommate was already up sewing new costumes. It was really unbelievable how insecure the Club’s security system was. Sometimes they would figure out he was watching, and shut him out, but he usually always found a loop hole through which he could get in. Fury had him take a class from another agent to prepare him for his job. It also gave him the chance to catch up on everything that he had missed while on ice. Steve still struggled with modern technology, only using his phone for calling or texting. Everything seemed a bit over the top for him. In the beginning James thought the same, but now he saw potential in everything new he discovered and fiddled around with it until he understood what was going on. While Steve understood all the military structures and innovations, he wanted to stay on the social level and understand what Miranda was talking about sometimes. Thank god, she was not some girly dame only talking about hair and dresses. From what he remembered he had endured his fair share of those girls. No, she was professional, kind and head strong. It had become very clear to him very fast that she had no tolerance for lying and other bullshit ideas he might produce to get out of things. This woman was one of the best things that could have happened to him. Another glance at the screen in front of him let him know that Emma was still sleeping. Probably another rough night. Sighing he ran his hands through his hair and finished his report for Fury.

Emma Frost. Location: Hellfire Club. Inactive. No immediate threats.

Steven Rogers. Location: Sea of Japan. Active. On Mission. Last Check in: 12th of November; 2:37 AM.

Miranda Carter. Location: Shield Headquarters. Active.

A knock on the door tore him out of his thread of thoughts. Slowly the door opened and in stepped his partner. What was his name again? Thomas? No, not that.

“Hey, man. Your shifts over and your girl is waiting upstairs for you. She told me to kick you out”, he winked at him and laughed. James imagined that he might have been an agent at some time, but now he was very thin with a slight limp. Sighing he looked down at the report, then stood up and started collecting his notes. 

“Thanks. I’ll hand the report in to Fury on the way out.”

“Good,” he nodded and started hanging up his vest and taking out his own notes. Quickly James threw a last glance at the blonde woman who was only just starting to stir, then he fled the office blinking at the bright light of the hallways. Just as his partner said Miranda was waiting upstairs for him with a steaming cup of black coffee, a Cappuccino and two bagels in front of her. Her mock angry glare couldn’t fool him anymore; she was proud of how serious he took his job. Just as he admired how serious she took her missions. Bending down he gave her a soft peck on the cheek, then sat down opposite of her.

“Good Morning,” he yawned slightly then hungrily eyed his bagel. Cheese and Ham. Perfect.

“It’s nearly twelve, James. You need food and some rest. Do you really need me to remind you?” she sighed then sipped at her coffee. With a nod to go ahead he started wolfing down his bagel. His sheepish grin only receiving a fond roll of eyes.

“You need to go to bed and sleep. We’ll see each other before your shift starts” she consoled him as he dreaded not seeing her more when she was there, but he had agreed to take two weeks of night shift. There must be another person coming in to supervise the inactive and on mission agents. Surely it wasn’t just him and the other one handling everything? Then again he hardly ever wanted time off. Most days Miranda was in New York now pretending to be a new assistant of Tony Stark. Yet he knew better. She was partly there to ensure his safety from Hydra, but also to ensure that he kept on working on the new instruments Shield had ordered. After their break down their numbers had reduced so significantly that Fury now relied on Stark to create new, mostly not deadly weapons. It also gave Miranda some time to snoop around to see what the atmosphere was like. There were still many questions the public needed answers to, but Fury and the government believed it would be better to release information over a slow process and carefully selected. There is no need for the public to get nervous about invisible threats. It was enough that they were worrying about Hydra and that weird group Emma complained about once in a while. The latter seemed to be a very small group though so he didn’t really see her worry. How much harm can a group of roughly twenty mutants do?

“I will. Don’t worry about my sleep. I’ve slept more than enough for one lifetime” he cheekily winked at her to lighten her mood, while he carefully pulled her plate away from under her nose. A quick swat to his fingers tore another barking laugh from him. Fluently he got up to get himself another bagel or sandwich before their lunch-lady decided that he needed “real” food. So anything hot and cooked.  Shaking her head Miranda watched him talk another bagel out the lady’s hands. Triumphantly he turned to wave, then continued watching her prepare his bagel. She couldn’t believe how well he had developed. When she first saw him dirty from living on the street, hair hanging like a curtain in front of angry but terrified eyes. Steve half dragged him into Shield after finally finding him. The starving man who lashed out at everything was gone, he had developed into a mostly kind and cheeky young man who tried to keep everything as organized and tidied as he could. His memory still suffered immensely and without Emma around it would take a lot longer for it to heal, but they were working on it. Of course she also wasn’t delusional. James was still rather hostile towards Steve and had a hard time getting to know other people, but most of all it was just difficult to see how much he really hated Sharon. They still didn’t know entirely what had all taken place, but they knew for sure that Steve had a soft spot for Sharon which cost him Emma. James was entirely sure that Steve was falling for a version of Peggy or was just latching on to the past because it seemed easier. Whatever it was, Steve was a fool. It didn’t matter how little experience he had with women, he should have known better. Sighing Miranda stirred her coffee watching the movement under her fingers. Not even she could get her cousin to talk about what happened. The only thing that was clear was, that Steve was trying to distance himself from all of this.

The smell of smoked salmon reached her nostrils and sure enough when she raised her head James sat in front of her again munching away on a bagel with smoked salmon on it. A small smile escaped her as she watched him. They shouldn’t get involved into the other’s problems, but then again everyone was expecting Steve and Bucky to be a team again.

“Penny for your thoughts?”  he suddenly asked her earnestly, dropping the cheekiness.

“Just the whole situation. Sharon called earlier. Steve still hasn’t dropped her a line and he’s been on a mission for two weeks now. I think she really likes him, and she is so used to having her way” sighing she paused, searching his eyes for any kind of support, “I don’t think she understands that Steve doesn’t seem to be knowing what he’s doing. She doesn’t understand that he sees Peggy. Not Sharon. I am certain that that is what’s happening between them. A hundred percent.”

“Calm down, Miranda. It’s all going to turn out fine. Even if I have to tell Steve to grow a pair and make a decision whether or not he is trying to date Sharon, _Peggy_ or Emma. Give them time. They’ll all come around. Emma will realise soon enough that the Club is no place for her and as soon as she takes control of her life again then they all can move on. Then I’ll tell him where Ems is and that she’s safe and he can decide for himself if she deserves another earnest apology or if he tries a real relationship with Sharon.”

Miranda nodded carefully as she let his words sink in. He was probably right. They couldn’t live their lives for them. Still it seemed very sad to think about the trouble the three got themselves in. As soon as they finished their coffee and bagels she sent him to his quarter for him to get some rest. After such a long shift he needed his sleep. With a quick kiss he then turned and went to bed. Slowly Miranda got up from her chair and made her way outside. She had already given her mission report to Fury, so she was free for nearly a week to stay here with James. Her missions were pretty simple and rather tame, she was sure that had something to do with James worrying about her, but then again she didn’t mind as what she was doing was still very important. It also gave her time to contact her family and stay in touch with them. Her whole family had been in Shield since Peggy, everyone had been an active field agent until they started a family, then they became desk agents. Now though her parents hardly ever spoke of Shield anymore. They took the implosion of the organization pretty badly. They worked so hard and long for a stable organization and within minutes everything combusted. That was the only time she was glad that Peggy’s mind was so confused due to age. She wouldn’t need to go through the pain of knowing of her life’s project’s downfall.

A quiet bell announced a new E-Mail from Tony, sure enough he was looking for something again. When had she become his maid? After a quick reply she got into her car to drive to Sharon. She promised her a visit and their brief conversation in the morning told her that Sharon was not doing too good. Probably she was moping around the house because of Steve. These were the days that she was so glad that James didn’t want to go on missions. They couldn’t argue about joining in on a mission and so on. It was freeing. At the moment she usually took the time in Tony’s workshop to sort through the information that would be released to the public. There were several teams working on that special case. Of course you can’t just release information of current missions and old missions, but Fury wanted to start with an employee list. Also he wanted the full stories of public figures online. Fury said it would build up trust, but she saw the potential danger for people like James. People that had to kill. From what she gathered Steve was taking his sweet time to fill in his information. He didn’t want anything released about him or Emma. She knew that Sharon willingly gave up her file, but Steve was adamant on not being in the papers or the internet. Sure there had been fame then, but today it was different. Fans wanted to know what their heroes do all the time, they want to know what you eat, who you see, if you have troubles. Steve wasn’t meant for this kind of attention. Especially not now when he hardly seemed to know how to life his life as Steve Rogers anymore. Somehow Captain America took over his life.

Fury also wanted to speak to Xavier to see about a mutant database, but he met a clear resistance there. If what Emma said is true and they were on the brink of war in their community, then this would hurl them over that brink. Fury was enough of a diplomat to understand that this was the wrong time to think of such things. Still the cooperation seemed to be going quite well. Fury informed Xavier now and then about Emma’s whereabouts and Xavier let Fury in on their training of the X-men. It did work quite well like this. Her laptop lay in a suitcase in the back of the car on there was everything she had gathered so far. Tony wasn’t too thrilled about being in a “Shield pamphlet for new recruits” as he called it. Surprisingly Natasha was one of the most cooperative sorting out her folders and coming by to check up on her work. Miranda was glad she could live in the Avengers tower until her work was done. It gave her immediate access to information and Jarvis’s knowledge. Still it was difficult to be the only one really living in the Avengers tower. Hopefully Natasha would be moving back in soon. After she disappeared from the academy with the USB stick that Steve gave her they hadn’t heard from her for a long while. It had all been a great mess from what she understood. Natasha was constantly on the run from Hydra while trying to break the code on the stick. Now and then Steve would meet her some place, but they were followed closely that they lost valuable time running. Then they finally discovered how Hydra got into Shield and had to raise the security levels again. How Shield could have missed how much Hydra grew right under their nose was insane. Since then Natasha was paying visits to high ranked Shield officials to check in on their status. It was most important that no one knew that. Clint had left to take care of his family after Shield collapsed, but agreed to stay on the Avengers until a new generation came. It gave him more time with his wife and children and everyone respected that wish. That left Natasha without partner. Although she was regularly administered a new recruit as partner they usually came crawling back asking for desk jobs. Natasha’s way of working was not for the squeamish. Miranda held a deep admiration for Natasha’s way. Still, not everything Natasha did was good and the release of that information had to be carefully planned otherwise there might not be a Natasha for very long anymore.

Everyone had their own stories to tell. Bruce too was reluctant to share his story, as he feared that then he would be asked to be a permanent agent or soldier. Miranda tried to focus on his medical history without describing the Hulk as a mass-destruction program.  Tony surprisingly wanted the family background added to his folder. Howard may not have been the best father, but having Steve around, getting to know the man of his father’s admiration seemed to have lessened the bitterness of his family memories. All in all, it was quite a bit of information just about them which had to be sorted out.

For no though there were other troubles to be sorted out. Of course she wasn’t blind to Sharon’s behaviour. In no way did she support her efforts to get rid of Emma, but then again she was also family and now that Steve was gone she’s alone. Miranda really hoped to get the truth out of her, just to know what exactly is going on. Slowly she drove up to the house and parked along the sidewalk. As she got out of the car she saw curtains waving rhythmically indicating that Sharon had been standing at the window to wait for her arrival. Sure enough before Miranda could even press the doorbell the door opened and she was pulled into a tight squeeze.

“Miranda! Finally, you’re here!” The overly dramatic squealing turned her stomach, but she just cuddled her cousin to reassure her. Before she could even say a word she was ushered inside, made to sit down and had a steaming cup of coffee in front of her. The flat was nice. It seemed quite bright and eerie, although Sharon’s things lay scattered about the place. Folders, clothes, photographs everywhere.

“I thought you moved in here months ago?” Miranda asked eyeing some boxes against the wall. The neat handwriting and organisation of it seemed awfully familiar.

“We did. Well, I did. Steve’s still, you know, cautious. I thought I’d surprise him and move some of his unopened boxes here” Sharon explained as she noticed Miranda’s stare. Although she tried to sound light hearted Miranda could hear the irritation and worry in her voice. Then again why was she surprised at Sharon’s idea of moving Steve in while he’s not there.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? They’ll be unopened for a reason.”

“Of course, Miranda, you silly thing. Please, they’re marked as containing records, photos and art supplies. He just probably didn’t have time to open those.”

“Whatever you say”, Miranda sighed at Sharon’s idea, but it was their relationship. Not hers. If it was a relationship at all. Trying to comfort her Miranda changed the subject asking about family and how she had been. After a while though the subject of Steve was inevitable anymore, so Miranda listened as Sharon poured her heart out trying to understand what was going on between them. After Emma left Sharon thought they would start a relationship, but that only partly happened. Steve took his time to search for Emma, but then returned for a mission. Only after he returned did he start to spend time with her again. He seemed genuinely interested in her and a relationship one day, while the next he ignored her.

“Steve’s been gone now for over two weeks. I’m really worried, but he won’t contact me or answer any of my messages. I know for a fact that he has been calling in every now and then to report back. So he must have had the time. I just don’t understand.” Miranda watched her sink further into herself. Sharon was a selfish woman, just because she believed that Emma was wrong for him, she had to prove her point by pursuing Steve until he failed Emma. She felt a slight remorse towards Steve who had to endure their games, but also resentment at all their childish behaviour.

“Steve is fine. He called in to James a few days ago. Maybe he just wants to focus on the mission. He probably knows that you’d know when he would call in.”

“Oh please! When you care for someone then you make sure they know you are safe” she argued heatedly already dreading Miranda pointed stare.

“Well, either he isn’t ‘safe’ or he just doesn’t care. Sharon it’s been three months since Emma’s gone and you expected from minute one on, that he just stops looking for her and be with you. That’s not how it works. Steve may have made a mistake, but I am pretty sure he cared for her. Leave him be for a while. If he still cares about Emma, then why do you want a relationship with him? It’s only going to hurt you.” Sensitivity wasn’t her strong point, but then again there were times when it was more important that one was clear about what was being said.

“He and Emma were wrong for each other! Did you see them together? Really together? They were always arguing! Always! And her stupid ex, which made a mess of everything! You should have seen how upset Steve was about that!” Sharon shouted at her, stood up and started pacing the room with tears in her eyes, but Miranda had had enough.

“Yes, they were fighting! They were fighting about those things that you are moping about now! Steve didn’t call in, he didn’t tell her about missions, he was just gone! That’s what was going on and Emma had a right to blow up at him, because she was scared just like you are! So why don’t you sit down and do something useful until he’s back, but back off from Emma! You ruined their relationship, so in fact you have no right to sit here and cry!” Silent tears ran down Sharon’s face as she listened to Miranda’s shouting, slowly giving in to the inevitable that there was just nothing to do other than wait and occupy yourself until he’s back. They would also need to talk. About them. About Emma.

Miranda watched her words slowly sink in, the weight of it pushing Sharon to the ground in a fit of sobs. Carefully she kneeled in front of her and gathered Sharon in her arms. Sharon may be a bit dramatic and delusional at times, but she was still family and Miranda didn’t have the heart to just leave her alone right now. So they sat together until it was Miranda’s time to leave. Sharon left the house with her determined to get some work done, while Miranda left for James’ apartment. They hadn’t yet discussed moving together, but they were both certain that they didn’t want to stay in Shield accommodation for much longer. Maybe that’s what they should be doing on their days off. Looking for apartments in the village. 

When she got back to the Shield accommodations James was already sitting outside waiting for her. As he saw her car approaching he slowly got up from the stairs and dusted his pants off. With a smile he stepped up to the car and opened the door for her, stealing a first quick kiss. Together they made their way inside to the cafeteria, Miranda was sure that James waited for her with dinner, and she wanted him to at least have dinner before he started working again. She was pretty sure that he often skipped either dinner or breakfast, if she wasn’t there to remind him. They chose their dinner and then sat down together at a small table.

“How was your visit at Sharon’s?” he asked while poking around his peas.

“It was interesting”, she sighed at his raised eyebrow, but she knew he was only asking to be polite. “She is having the same troubles with Steve that Emma had. He won’t call in on her, just leaves for missions. I don’t think she really understands what she got herself into.”

“Serves her right.”

“Stop it, James. This is serious. You need to get over yourself and speak to Steve. Otherwise all of this will never have an end. He needs help, his new psychiatrist seems to help, but you’re his only friend here.” Her accusing stare met rolled eyes as James turned away from the discussion to focus on his food. Talking to Steve was one of the last things he wanted to be doing. Nobody even knew when Steve would be getting back. Also, he wasn’t keen on doing Sharon any favours. She deserved to be rolling around in suspense of Steve maybe breaking up with her.

“James, please”, his stare softened at her small plea. Probably she would be right again. He should talk to his friend, support him somehow, even if he wanted to punch him. Wanting to punch Steve was still a strong urge.

“I’ll see what I can do. I just don’t think it’s going to do much good” he argued defeated. Steve wasn’t the same person he remembered. He hardly knew the person Steve had become. Miranda smiled at him thankfully and then continued reporting back what she had learned from Sharon. He should be hearing these things from Steve, but he doubted that he would get anything sensible from him. Also, Miranda seemed keen on sharing what she had learned, so he just indulged her by listening while he was poking away at the slowly diminishing tower of food.

“Well, and there’s another small thing I want you to think about and it has nothing to do with Steve and Sharon” Miranda said, while cutting her meat into small pieces. She knew this was sudden, but since the idea on the way home struck her she felt compelled to make it happen.

“What is it?” he looked at his watch, slightly irritated at how fast the time had passed.

“I thought we could look for a flat. Outside of Shield. In the village. For us two” nervously she raised her head to look into his brown eyes. She could see what she said slowly sinking in. Slowly a small smile spread across his face and he nodded reassuringly at her.

“That’d be great. I’ll try to get the weekend off, then we’ll have a look around together.” 

After his free hour with Miranda, James took off back towards his office. Just as he was at the door Fury came out, nodded at him and left. That could only mean that someone was hurt or someone was coming back, and he would bet his pants that it was Steve. The other guy was already packing his things, when he came in. He was lucky at the moment to have the short shifts. James hung up his jacket and stared at the screens. Sure enough there was Steve in an airplane, which from the flight route was directed right at them.

“Hey man. The Captain’s coming back. Says he has loads to tell.” The other one grabbed his bag and put on his jacket. 

“I bet he has. Anything else?”

“Not much. The girl. The blonde, you said to keep a special eye on? Somethings going on there. Not sure what, but she is being prepped for some big occasion.”

“right. Thanks, I’ll look into it.”  James said as he watched the other one leave. Emma was being prepped? A big occasion? That didn’t sound good. He was pretty sure that the club had some kind of dirt on it, but he wasn’t exactly sure yet what. Whatever it was, he was going to find out.

Steve arrived back in Shield in the early morning around 4 o’clock. Half his team was asleep. Even he felt a bit tired, but he would need to report back to Fury before he could go back to his flat and sleep everything off. He would also need to send Sharon a text to let her know he was back, but there would still be time for that after he spoke with Fury. They knew that Hydra had their fingers in everywhere in the states, but they hoped that they could fix that by going public with a lot of information especially about Hydra. What they hadn’t known before the mission, was that Hydra was not just growing in the states, but everywhere else as well. Especially with social problems on the rise in Europe. Hydra had a great potential there for their right wing activities. He had spent over two weeks on the Japanese Sea. They were listening in on Japan, North and South Korea, Russia and China, and sadly what they found weren’t good news at all. While they all seemed relatively harmless at first glance, the new information unveiled that each country neither trusted their neighbours, nor were they unprepared for any kind of attack. They all just waited for someone to make a wrong step and stumble. The fall would be caught by thousands of missiles, all ordered through Dray manufactures and shipped from the States to every country Hydra thought it was necessary. They had more heads right now than Steve knew to handle. Everything seemed a lot easier in the past. There were two evil guys to focus on. Hitler and Red Scull. That was it. Now, every country seemed to have some Hydra agent in the most influential circles.

Although his pace was brisk he felt as though his walk to Fury’s office was one of shame to be the transmitter of such bad news. Steve had really hoped to never see a war again in his days, but now he feared that all his hopes had just been an illusion. Was their country as bad off? He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell anymore. Yes, Hydra was everywhere, but were they preparing for war like the other countries? Steve didn’t know. The door of Fury’s office announced his arrival and scanned him before he entered. Fury looked at him expectantly whilst he turned away from a large screen. On the screen he could see the entrance of their building where a nervous blonde was pacing in front of the door.

“Make it quick, Rogers. Someone is anxious to see you. Everything else has to wait until morning. We all need our sleep now’a’days.”

His eyes lingered on the screen a second longer, a soft distressed sigh escaped him. With wary he then reported back what they had witnessed in the east Asian area. It was similar to what he had reported on Europe a few weeks earlier. He needed these missions. He needed to know what was going on. He needed to prepare to become the Captain America that his peoples wished him to be. A hero. Not some vigilante looking for his endangered child hood friend. Without comment Fury sent him on his way after he had informed him about everything. Now he had no other choice but to go downstairs and embrace Sharon. She had made her way to Shield in the middle of the night to see him. It would have been better if she let him sleep first, but he could hardly be mad at her. Not like he had been with Emma in these cases. Sighing he ran his large hand through his hair. He needed to fix all of this. What kind of hero was he going around breaking hearts?

As soon as he stepped through the door he felt a weight push itself against him. A soft sniffling came from the blonde woman at his chest as he softly stroked her hair. God, she didn’t deserve all of this. He wrapped his arms around her holding her against his large frame. Her cold hands grasping at his uniform. Teary eyed she stared up at him.

“Bucky texted me that you are back” she whispered as she drew closer for a kiss. Bucky hated Sharon. Damnit. That meant he was really in the shit with him. He knew he disapproved of the situation, but he would have never thought that it bothered him this much. Steve gave Sharon a quick peck on the lips and looked at her.

“I didn’t want to wake you up. It’s the middle of the night” he reasoned and drew her closer as he realized her shivering from the cold. A sad smile crossed his face as he heard a mumbled “I don’t care”.  Carefully he ushered her inside, lifted her small form into his arms and carried her upstairs to his room. He knows Sharon wants to move together, but he wasn’t even ready to really commit to their relationship yet, if that is what they have. He would tell her. Soon. He just needed to find the right words. It scared him to think he would break her heart. He never wanted to be like this. He despised men like him.

They were both too tired to speak a lot that night. He was glad that Sharon did not push him for answers directly, because there were no good ones. He would also have another meeting in the morning and then he needed to speak to Bucky and he had another session scheduled with Dr. Collins at noon. That gave him some time to think about what he wanted to say to Sharon. He had to get it over with. For the first time in weeks he picked up his phone as he watched her sleep and tried texting the other person he had wronged. Of course Emma wouldn’t answer. She was far too stubborn to hear what he had to say. There was just no apologizing for what he did. She might read a text from him. At least he hoped so. He really hoped she was far away from Hydra, far away from wherever he could hurt her.

_Emma, I hope you are safe. Please take care out there. Hydra is everywhere. Please call in to Shield, I just want you to be safe. Steve._

With a sigh he placed the phone on his night stand. He didn’t dare write an apology like this. Buck told him that that was considered very bad form. Anyway, if he ever got the chance to apologize for his behaviour, then it would be in person. Everything else wouldn’t be enough, while he wasn’t even sure if that would even be enough.

The next morning, he and Sharon had breakfast together. They shortly spoke about the mission, but he didn’t want to go into detail as she wasn’t cleared for all the information. At least she would know that the situations were tense everywhere and they all weren’t as safe as they thought they were. Maybe that’s what he should have written to Emma. Maybe she would have replied to that. As expected there was no answer. He listened as Sharon rambled on about her apartment about how she redecorated and bought new carpets. He wasn’t even sure if he could recall the old carpets. After he reassured her that he would come by in the afternoon after his session, he left for his meeting. Around an oval, glass table sat several high ranked Shield agents and a few government officials, which were entrusted to us and the president. Steve took his seat next to Natasha. He wasn’t surprised that she was here for such a meeting. Probably she would be off again after this, but he was glad to see her. Opposite of him sat Miranda, she nodded at him, but then turned away to give her attention to the director. Fury informed everyone about the several missions that had taken place the last two months which purpose were mainly to gather intel. As soon as everyone was on the same page Steve started to retell his new findings and opinion of the situation. If they wanted any say in what was going on in the world, then Shield would have to speed up its working process of going public. At this Miranda stood and reported everything she had worked on. She showed us a prototype, that she and Tony came up with, for a website that would give everyone free access to the chosen information. Most agents gave a personal comment on their page. He supposed his was glaringly naked. Another thing he would have to do. Carter shot him a pointed look. Yes, he would do that tomorrow.

The meeting passed by quickly so he had another twenty minutes before he had to see Collins. Bucky was surely still in his office, as he wanted another word with him he made a beeline for his old friend’s office. Steve knocked at the door, then entered, striding into the room. As soon as he set eyes on the large screens his demeanour deflated. Somehow he always hoped, that if he just caught Bucky off guard that he would find Emma there on one of those screens. Bucky didn’t speak about his job, or rarely, but Steve was sure that his friend was looking out for the mutant. Bucky had developed a soft spot for Emma as she understood his pain without having him talk about it. Emma just knew things. Sometimes Steve wandered what it was like to be able to read everyone’s mind. Was it really like reading, or did she hear it? Did things just come to her? He had never bothered to ask, he supposed that it would be another thing on the growing list of things he didn’t know about her.

“Morning”, Steve said and stared ahead at the screens. James looked up from the screen, nodded a ‘to you too’ at him, and then went on to write his notes.

“Finished with the meeting? Did Miranda corner you about your commentary?” James asked passively. Steve could hear the continuous clicking of the mouse as James’ hand moved across the table.

“She didn’t, but I’ll look at everything and give it to her tomorrow. I just,” Steve paused, stared at one of the screens again, then leaned against the wall in a casual manner. “I just never wanted to be in the public picture like that. It didn’t use to matter who the man under the mask was. Now everyone wants to know everything we do. What we eat, who we see, what we wear to bed.” Steve rolled his eyes at their antics, what did it matter who was Captain America as long as it’s a good person? The Captain is a leader for everything good the free state believes in. The embodiment of the freedom of the people. Steve wasn’t sure if what they were doing was really producing freedom. If Shield managed to come back out of the dark with solid information before Hydra discredited them entirely could rescue many lives and potentially ward off another war.

“Good. It needs to go online and she’s tired of waiting around for you to make a decision on this.” James leaned back in his chair to stare at Steve. He couldn’t fool him. He saw Steve’s tension, could see it in the way that Steve kept glancing back at the screens illuminating the room.  After another failed attempt at a casual chat Steve decided to just ask Bucky straight out why he had told Sharon. Thank god Sharon hadn’t been pushy and they just got into bed. He would have been too tired for any kind of discussion.

“So, why did you call Sharon last night? You hate her, why would you tell her anything?”

“Are you listening to yourself?” James got up from his seat, came around his desk and leaned against it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. From the slight glare Buck shot at him, Steve knew that Bucky was close to losing his temper. Before Steve could really reply to the approach James went on in an earnest tone.

“You need to stop all of this. You know we try to keep out of your business, but even I am starting to feel sorry for Sharon. You need to get your head straight and take some action. You are losing focus on everything that used to be special about you. Are you really that blind? Sharon thinks you two are dating! She thinks that if she gives you some time you’ll come around and you’ll live happily ever after or whatever her deluded mind thinks of!” James shouted at him, starting to pace the room. Steve could feel his cheeks inflame with embarrassment. He felt like a child being scolded by his parent for reaching into the cookie jar before dinner. He knew he had to solve the problems he had with Sharon and Emma, but it just wasn’t that easy. He didn’t intend to break Emma’s heart, he wasn’t intending to break Sharon’s, but he probably would end up doing just that.

“I know. I made quite a few mistakes lately.” Steve swallowed, his throat felt tight. Anxiety creeped up from his stomach, made his skin buzz and tighten. “I already decided to talk to Sharon tonight about that. We aren’t really on the same page”, he paused to take a look at his friend. James just stared at him accusingly. His demeanour clearly saying “Well? What are you still doing here?”

“I’ll break things off with her. I’m not entirely sure where her idea of a relationship comes from, but we’ll talk things out. I want to try and find Emma again. She’s out there somewhere and it’s not safe. I’ll take a break from ‘dating’.”

“Good.” James said finally after thinking about what Steve had said. It also ended their conversation abruptly. Why should Steve wait around to have that chat? It would be better for everyone if he just got it over with. Then everyone could just move on. Continue their normal lives. Well, as normal as it gets around Shield, mutants and Inhumans. He was glad that they weren’t dealing with that, but a substructure of Shield in the South.

Steve quickly took his leave from Bucky’s office and made his way to the exit of the building. Doctor Collins insisted that the sessions don’t take place on Shield grounds, but in a private establishment. Shield could watch the outside, but happenings inside were strictly confidential between Collins and his patients. Steve was sure that Bucky was coming here at least once a week. Whenever Steve stayed in the area, he took these sessions serious and turned up every second day starting Monday and excluding Sunday.  Somewhere in himself he knew he needed this. All the trouble he got himself in was starting to catch up with him. It made his sleep even worse. He didn’t need a lot of it, but even then he still needed a good rest. A restless night did no one good, not even a superhero. As he entered the small house the secretary smiled at him and greeted him with familiarity. She was a lovely elderly lady, that kept the appointments organized and answered the phone. Steve once asked her why she was still working, but she avoided the question with a laugh and a pat on the cheek. With a bright smile she waved him through to doctor Collins’s office.

When he entered Collins wasn’t at his desk yet, so he just sat down and waited for his therapist. Collins asked him to think about what was bothering him and what he would wish to speak about. Generally, they spoke about Shield and how he handled being in the field, taking a life more often than he wished. Today was different. Steve wanted to talk about the women in his life. His past. He needed support for his talk with Sharon. He would need help to apologize to Emma, if he ever saw her again, and he would need a lot of help for the day that Peggy would die. It might sound dramatic, but he thought about that a lot. Other than Bucky Peggy was the only one that understood him, that understood how his world worked. Hopefully she would hang in there for a little while longer, but Steve knew that the day was coming closer with every breath she took. He could hardly visit her without her starting to cry because she would forget.

After a few minutes Collins opened the door and greeted him with cold hands. Then he slowly took of his coat, hung it on a mantel piece, and then sat down opposite of him at a large oak desk. He took a shiny black fountain pen out of a drawer, placed it in front of him and stared expectantly at Steve.

“Have you thought about what you wish to speak about?” he asked calmly as he wrote something on his notebook. Steve asked not to be recorded, so Collins’ wrote everything down for future reference and his occasional report to Fury. Steve agreed that a statement about his mental health would make it easier in case he did ever get into trouble.

“Yes, it’s something that has been bothering me for quite a while. I’m not sure if you will be able to help me, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest. Otherwise, I feel like I might just run around in circles making the same mistakes.”

“Very well, then carry on. Tell me about what has been bothering you”, Collins said, pleased with Steve’s effort to cooperate.

“Women. This may sound silly, but I keep messing things up. When I came to this time, I thought I might just continue on as Captain America, because there was no one left from my time. Then I met Emma and she was different. It was nice to spend time with someone other than the agents. She was fun to be around and as my therapist she was also genuinely keen on helping me, but somehow we just got away from that. A few days after we started a relationship there was an attack on Director Fury, and then Hydra attacked Shield while we were trying to help Bucky. I knew the attack was coming. From the way they attacked Fury they had to be in Shield. I was so worried about Emma. Both of us, and a small group of others, stayed at the Xavier Academy together, where I met her ex and his new girlfriend. Seeing him like that, gloating, it drove Emma up the wall. I never saw her so angry before. I thought she moved on. I still don’t understand why she cared so much.”

“Let me stop you there” Collins interrupted his monologue. Steve tried to go into detail as much as he could. If he wanted sufficient help, then he needed to sufficiently recount what happened. “Do you know how long they were together? When they broke up?”

“A few years. I think. I think they broke up a few weeks before we started going out.” Steve replied slowly, unsure of the answer. He had never bothered to ask about Scott, believed it to be improper to ask her about her past lovers, especially as she did seem more experienced.

“Well, Steve. Then that man must have meant a lot to her at a certain point. It is rare that couples break up on good terms.  Although her feelings might have lessened for him, the feeling of neglect is clear. Her reaction I suppose was not exactly jealousy, but embarrassment at being replaced.”

Steve stared ahead, nodding at Collins’s words. Had Emma been embarrassed? Had he embarrassed her again? He had been embarrassed at her antics, he hadn’t bothered to ask her.

“Go ahead, Steve. I can see you are processing things.”

“I don’t know how to continue. It only gets worse. I feel like a horrible person”, Steve covered his face with his hands, leaning forwards on his elbows. He tried to take slow breaths. Thinking about all of this made him want to throw up. He was supposed to be a hero. Heroes didn’t break hearts. Acid ran up his throat, but he forced it down. After another minute or two he continued with a strained voice.

“From then on I had to go on missions quite often. I would forget to tell Emma about them. I didn’t want her to worry, because that’s what she does. She worries. She cares so much about other people. There are certain things about her that irritated her, but not so much that I thought it would be over. When we were still in the city Emma took me to see Peggy. My first love. The only woman that had an interest in me before I became this. Became ‘a hero’. She wanted to give me the chance to see her again. Peggy is old now. She has dementia. Can hardly remember me coming in once a while. Poor thing always starts crying. She will die. Soon. Maybe not today, tonight, or tomorrow, but sooner than I wish. She’s the only other person from my time. The only person who really knows what it was like.”

“That must be very difficult. We talked about bits of this before. I am sorry that you may lose a friend soon, but you must remind yourself that she lived a full life. On your recommendation I read about her. She was an impressive woman; she deserves some peace. Don’t you think? Even if it is only peace from her illness.” Steve nodded demurely, rubbing at his eyes with the palm of his hands, which was slowly becoming damp.

“Go on, Steve. I can see you are struggling, so there must be more” Collins urged him softly. Steve hardly noticed the man getting up and placing a glass of water down in front of him. Steve carefully removed his hands from his face and nipped at the water to moisten his sour throat.

“Peggy has grandchildren. Miranda and Sharon. Cousins. Miranda is in a relationship with Bucky and it seems to work out fine, but Sharon is different. In the beginning she was just like the other agents. All business. She joined me on my missions. There was one evening when we were in east Russia. It was cold. Very cold. So we all sat around a fire and had a drink. She made a move there, but as I need quite a bit of alcohol to really get drunk I realized what she was trying and explained to her that I am with Emma. The problem with that was that she knew we were fighting. Everyone knew. It was humiliating. It made me become angry at Emma that everyone was talking about us. That people like Sharon thought they might have a chance. Thought that maybe Emma had had these offers. I really admired Sharon before that. She was like Peggy. Hardworking. Strict, but also kind. When I got back from that mission Emma and I had a terrible fight. I went to the gym to blow off some steam. I was so mad at Emma. All I could think about was if she had had other offers. If that was the reason why she slept naked when I came in. There was this person in my mind, a person like Scott, that would just use her. Take her, just because they” Steve barely registered that he was rambling as he came to a stop. He felt sick. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He took another gulp of water. He couldn’t.

“Because they what, Steve?”

“Because they are more experienced than I am. In my time things were very much less sexual than today. I was so mad at all of that. So when Sharon came in she kept taunting. Kept saying how everyone knows that Emma and I won’t last, how she would be a better fit because she understands my ‘world’. Because she understands Shield, because we work together. I didn’t push her away when she tried to kiss me again. I was so mad at Emma. It just all ran out of control. I can’t get her face out of my head as she stood in the doorway. So much hurt. Hurt that I inflicted. Somehow since that day everything grew out of control. Sharon thinks we are in a relationship and I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t even know what I am feeling anymore. All I know is that I am going to break her heart, just like I broke Emma’s. What kind of hero goes around breaking hearts? I am supposed to be a role model, but I can’t get my personal life under control. And no Shield wants to go public with all sorts of information and I don’t know what to say to them!”

By the time he finished retelling the events he was straight out weeping. He had done so much wrong and he didn’t know how to fix it.  Collins handed him a tissue, just letting him cry a while until he calmed down enough to hear what he had to say. He knew that there were worse things that he could have done, especially considering he is a spy, but it didn’t matter. In his world women didn’t get treated like that. Like they were replaceable. 

“Steve, there are things you can’t control easily. You need to remember that you are human and make mistakes. No one expects you to be perfect. No one that should natter to you. Captain America is just a character. A character you are struggling to identify with long-term. It puts a lot of pressure on you. I am sure, that if you speak to Sharon she will be able to understand. You just need to go and do it. From your reaction I deduct that you haven’t spoken to Emma since that day.”

“not exactly”, he mumbled.

“I thought so. Don’t be ashamed of crying, you seem to be quite overwhelmed. Try to remember what we spoke about when we spoke about Bucky. Physically you are the best a human can wish to reach, but illness isn’t always just physical. I am glad you told me all of this. Try to explain to Sharon that you were not prepared to enter a new relationship and that right now you are not sure what your feelings for her are. Just break it off before she can get really attached.”

“I will try, thank you”, he was glad that Collins listened rather than constantly questioning him. He would question him about his progress sometime, but right now he just let him be.


	2. Last Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I have a feeling everyone will hate me (again) for this, also this is not Beta read so if you spot mistakes please message me and let me know. I wish you a late Happy New Year. This was supposed to be up weeks ago, but I wasn’t happy with it and rewrote it. Also, to calm everyone down. This story has THREE (!!!) parts and yes, the main couple is Steve and Emma. I am trying not to disappoint you guys, but I prefer to keep them as insane as any other human would be. Steve is my absolute favourite male character of the MU and I am not “Steve-bashing”. I just believe that a position like his and all that he’s gone through (like a dramatic plane crash that froze him for 90 years) is a lot of mental stress. So, sit back and enjoy and I will try and update after my horror day of tests. Exam, oral exam, presentation. I really am crap at planning my timetables beforehand. Let me know what you think and also come into contact with me if you are interested in Beta reading for me. Another person usually spots mistakes that I miss sitting in front of this all the time.

Chapter 2

Steve left the small building in the late afternoon. It had taken him quite some time to calm down, but he eventually felt calmer and prepared to face Sharon. It was time to take his life back into his own hands. Deal with situations rather than hope they just go away. He just had to hold on to those thoughts. Although Sharon lived only a few streets away the drive felt hours long as he was desperate to get this over with. She had already sent him a text message that she was preparing dinner, but he didn’t have the heart to write to her not to bother. He was weak when it came to women, he knew that now. In the past, he had laughed at Buck, jumping from one dame to another, never committing to one more than another. Now he understood why. It was all nice and fun until there are feelings involved and then you need to hold on as tightly as possible. He wasn’t entirely sure, what he would do after this, but he will figure something out afterwards. He parked his car at the side of the road, went up to the house and knocked. Shortly after the door opened, the giddy blonde threw herself around his neck.   
“Hi!” she shouted and kissed him on the lips. He didn’t respond, but it didn’t seem to bother her as she pulled him into her house. He could hardly get a word in as she babbled happily. Sharon took his hand and led him through to the dining room. He spotted a small tower of boxes which he recognised due to familiarity. With a soft sigh, he knew he would have to do it before she could draw him in even more, so he tugged at her hand to bring her to a stop. Confused she raised her eyes to his. Questioning.   
“Sharon, we need to talk,” he said softly as he tore his eyes away from hers and back to the boxes.   
“Can’t that wait? Dinner is ready.” She replied, and tried to pull herself away from his grasp. Disregarding his pointed stare at his boxes. What were his boxes doing here? He hoped it wasn’t what he expected.   
“No, it can’t.” He had difficulties sounding as strict as he should with her, but it seemed to work as she stopped her ministrations to look at him.   
“We can’t do this anymore.” He could already see her figure sink into herself, so he placed an arm around her and sat her down on the staircase. Kneeling in front of her he could see tears welling up in her eyes, but he was determined, to be honest with her. More than he had been with Emma. He would end this the right way if there was a right way. Softly he raised her chin to make her look into his eyes as he spoke to her. “Listen to me, I need to say all of this. We need to stop this now. I can’t pretend that everything is alright anymore. Sharon, don’t you see all the problems that came with this? You are a wonderful woman, a beautiful, strong, independent woman. Like Peggy. You should be proud of that. But that is exactly why I can’t be with you. I loved Peggy. She was the first woman I really loved. The woman that was interested in Steve, not Captain America. Being with you is like being with her. Having a second chance, but you’re not Peggy and I don’t want you to be her. I gave up on Peggy. She had a full life and moved on and that’s what I am trying to do. Move on from everything I lost, Sharon. I thought I could do that with Emma, but you were just too tempting. Sharon, I never meant for all of this to happen. I don’t want a relationship with you. I don’t even know if I know you at all because all I see is Peggy and it won’t stop. I am ending this for your own good. I know you wished for more, but I can’t give that to you. I am still trying to move on, and I am not entirely sure how I am supposed to move on from Emma. There is a lot I don’t know, but I need to figure it out on my own.” Carefully he brushed a few tears from her cheeks and stood up. Sharon nodded, avoiding his eyes. Silently shedding her tears as she watched him move around the hallway to collect his boxes. She didn’t want to be Peggy for him. She would need to let him go.   
Steve left the house as quickly as he could without him seeming to rush. The boxes wobbled on the back seat as he drove off back to Shield to his apartment. It seemed a waste to carry around things he never looked at. Emma had called in a few favours after they left Washington in a hurry. She didn’t want to leave anything behind that could have meant anything to him. Her neat handwriting clearly showing that she peeked inside to sniff through his memories. Memories that she hadn’t seen before. If he ever saw her again he would take her to all these places that used to mean so much to him. Show her from his own memories what it was like. Steve hadn’t lied to Sharon. He still loved Peggy. He would always love Peggy, but just as she had moved on he would be ready for that one day and there was still a lot of room in his heart for a young blonde woman with an exceptional talent. There was no will left in him to consider the fact that she might not take him back, but he would need to try before he started doubting again. Somewhere out there was a young woman, who needed a bit of heart mending and he was bent on being the one.   
When Emma woke up she could hear the soft rustling that she had become accustomed to. Melody was probably sewing a new outfit. Pulling her blanket up to her chin she turned around, away from the light. A queen needed her beauty sleep. She could feel eyes on her and heard a soft chuckle. Slowly she extended her hand and reached for her phone. Quarter past twelve. She would have to get up soon if she wanted the time to train her new routine.   
“Come on, sleepy head. Get up. I need you to try this on” Melody laughed as she saw Emma try to cuddle further under the blanket.   
Emma stared at the little symbol under the time. 2 missed calls. It had become a lot less over the last few months. When she had left, her phone wouldn’t stop buzzing so she kept it turned off in her suitcase. It still felt weird to do what she was doing, but as soon as she had enough money she could move on, and there was no denying that she liked the attention. There were nice people here. Her roommate was nice. Melody loved making new outfits for her. Steve probably wouldn’t like what she was doing, but she didn’t need his approval anymore. She could do whatever she wanted. Slowly she got up from the bed, rubbed her eyes and looked at Melody. Before her eyes was a skimpy little one-piece in white with hundreds of little diamonds.   
“You really want me to wear that in front of a hundred people?” Emma questioned and raised her brow at her as she took off her clothes and wriggled the lingerie onto her body. Melody knew how to make it fit perfectly. Emma stepped in front of the tall mirror and stared at her body, she had become used to Melody’s excited squealing whenever she liked a new set on Emma’s body. It did look very good. The cloth was a simple white, but on it were hundreds of tiny rhinestones. The cut outs of the legs were also very high and left nothing to the imagination, she better give herself another trim just in case. Each breast fits perfectly into a cup with a deep valley between each breast down to her navel. She had always tried for everyone not to draw too much attention to her body, but not anymore. Her body is her own and she is allowed to show it off.   
“Already picked a song for tonight? You only have two shows tonight, right?”   
“I was going to dance to fever, now I might have to change my plans”, she grinned at the mirror. Her hand carefully traced the seams of the bodice. “I only have two dances. Then I’m with Sebastian in a meeting. He said my presence was requested. Whatever that means. Can you keep an eye on my phone while I am on stage? I missed a call last night. I’m not sure, but it might be important.”   
“Sure, I can. Are you sure you are ready to answer those calls though? It’s been a while now and you’re still here.”   
Emma knew it was some time now. She enjoyed having someone appreciate her body and she made good money with it. It was only dancing. Nothing more. Steve would disapprove anyway. Every day she caught herself thinking about things concerning Steve, whether he would approve or not, or if he would care at all. Although she liked to think of herself stronger than this and over Steve, she had to admit that there was still something that kept her from letting go completely. Maybe it was her past, or maybe a small idea of what was to come, maybe she was just soft and couldn’t let go. Whatever it was, it kept her thinking of Steve at the oddest hours. Carefully she picked up her phone and stared at the lit up picture. It had been one of the first they had taken together. Sighing she turned away from Melody and got dressed. Maybe she would go back one day. Just to see what it was like. For now, it didn’t matter anymore. It was her time to be free. Time to shine. Literally.  
Emma took her time during the day to prepare for her evening. Most days she just took the daytime to train and keep fit. Very seldom she would go into the nearest city to shop and see something else. Right now she was content doing what she was doing, she liked the people and felt welcome. That was the most important part for now. After her training, she moved her sweaty self to the shower to rinse off her body and shave. Although there was hardly anything to be done she liked to double check these things. If someone requested her presence they usually had other thoughts. Emma hadn’t signed on for more than dancing. She knew there were some girls that did it, but that would go a bit far. Sometimes Sebastian insisted that she let them play with the idea for a while, but that made her feel rather uncomfortable so they kept it to the most important meetings. Emma suspects that Sebastian was quite unhappy with their arrangement, but for now, he seemed content in her having her own way. She didn’t even know who they would be meeting tonight. Of course, she would find out in due time, but it is easier to be ahead of the game and prepare for whomever they are supposed to be entertaining.   
Emma gave the technician her song choice. It was one of her favourite numbers to do. Fever. She had thought about switching to something like Diamonds are forever, but then she would need to make a whole new choreography. Too much for just one day. At least for her. She was no professional, she just liked dancing and knew from the mind of her audience what they liked the best. Melody was right, though, she would have to leave sometime. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life in a club on a highway. No, soon she would leave and move on. Find somewhere else to stay and work. When she finally finished her hygiene routine it was nearly time for her to take her place on the stage. She quickly gave Melody her phone and put on a pair of white high heels and a small tiara. It wasn’t the princess type. More a spiked, silver half circlet. They had sat together for a few hours until they agreed on “White Queen” as her stage name. She didn’t want to be the sweet type anymore. She wanted to be cold and hard. Everything she wasn’t. Of course, her team members liked to make fun of her for the name, but with a few accessories, they agreed that it was perfect for her. Carefully she glued little rhinestones around her eyes, trailing one by one into her hair. She picked up a heavy cape which she wore over her shoulders and had a fur trim. She only had to wait for a few minutes behind the stage before she was called up and could hear the men whistling. Gracefully she stalked onto the stage, stared down at the crowd and began her routine. Some of the faces she recognised by now, people that came to see her especially. She didn’t mind them. They usually tipped well and bought her drinks that she didn’t need to pay in any event. Yet there in the back in a dark corner was a new group of mutants. Nearly all male. They were carefully watching her while they only slowly sipped at their drinks. She didn’t want to go fishing on stage, but she was sure that she would meet these people later.   
Bucky watched on as Emma moved her body sensually on the screen. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking to show herself off like that, but he couldn’t say that she didn’t know how to move. Although he spent so much time with her he had always underestimated her appearance. Steve really did miss out on this one. He had a text from Miranda earlier to tell him that Sharon and Steve broke it off. He suspected that she was there right now to wipe up Steve’s mess. He really was clueless where women were concerned. Maybe Steve would take all this serious, go to his psychiatrist and get some help, but Bucky wasn’t entirely sure if that would happen. He watched Emma move on the stage. Her lithe body making the men lust after her, watching her every step. She really was the queen of the stage. Bucky switched to another security camera of the club. Nothing unusual there. Usually, he also checked the crowd in case there was someone from Hydra there or someone else they knew. After making sure that everything was clear he concentrated on the other screens. Fury had informed him of their plans for the next few days. It would be difficult and the agent’s security was of most importance during these days. They wouldn’t want a confrontation right at the beginning. It could ruin everything. Sighing he looked at the copies that Miranda had given him. Steve would need to fill out the question and sign the papers. They could do it without him but then again, he was the main image of Shield right now. People wanted to see him. Know about him. Everyone had received a formal letter and notice for the upcoming event. If they wished to support it they could fill out the form, sign it and send it back. If they did not do that they would only be mentioned in a long list of names.   
Bucky sighed and took out his phone and texted Steve to come see him in his office. He minimised the screen of Emma dancing on his laptop and took her off the large screen. She didn’t want Steve to know where she is, so he wouldn’t give her away. Especially as Steve would probably go berserk if he saw it. It didn’t take long for a curt knock at his door with a blonde head poking inside.   
“Hey, what’s up?” Steve asked sheepishly. Bucky motioned for him to sit down and got up to lean against his desk. After Steve had sat down, Bucky took the clipboard he had put the noted on and gave it to Steve.  
“Fill this out, please. For Miranda. I know you don’t think it’s right being documented but I want this done with. They’ll know enough about you through us anyway. Shield needs this and if you are seriously considering taking up a higher position here then you need to act like it and fill out the damn form. People need to see that you are not the threat. Hydra is. By challenging this you are just giving everyone more reasons to distrust you.”  
Steve stared at him scowling slightly. His eyes moved over the paper, scanning the questions and he sighed. He really didn’t want even more news about him out there. There was enough talk as there was. “I really don’t want to do this. All of this out there. I’m just a freak show. A science project. There never was anything special about me and I am making everything up as I go. There’s nothing interesting or valuable that can go into there. Only that I served in the Army and then for Shield. They can’t even disclose my medical records. They would risk creating an army of me.”   
“Well then just write down the basic stuff. You don’t need to write down every little detail like the others do. You can just write something about yourself. Tell them your story. Do it as part of your treatment. Get it out there and have it dealt with. You are the one with the least consequences coming towards you. What is holding you back? Do you even know how much people like Natasha are putting on the line for this? Tony? Me? What are you afraid of?” Steve clutched the clipboard in his fingers, knuckles going white with strain. He could see the vein in Steve’s neck throbbing. Bucky sighed and sat down next to his old friend. Maybe Miranda was right and he did need to put more effort into it. Carefully he took the clipboard out of Steve’s clutch and put it back on the table. “Calm down and tell me what it is.” He said softly. For once he could see Steve holding back his fears. This was not anger as he had first assumed. It was genuine fear.   
“I can’t write this. Everyone will know that I am a fraud. That I am incapable of relationships and that everything good about me came out of a bottle. You know Schmitt was right all these years ago. The serum gave me strength and endurability, but Erskine was wrong. It didn’t enhance who you are. If I were the man everyone believes I am, then why am I capable of all the horrid things I have done. I killed people, I broke Emma’s heart. The kindest and sweetest woman I know. And Sharon’s. She didn’t deserve this either. I realised too late that she was actually looking for more. Think of the people I injured in my Avengers missions, civilians. People always think I am some kind of hero, but Emma was right. I am only a man. A human. I just don’t want to disappoint them, because I am not what they think I am. All of this Captain America image, it's quite a lot to deal with.” Bucky paused to look at the man in front of him. Honesty. Like Emma said. She had been right all along, but neither of them was without fault. None of them were, and for the first time, it felt wrong to him to keep such a huge secret from him.   
“Steve, I think you’re overthinking this. Yes, you are just a man. The people need to start seeing that, but they won’t if you don’t let them know. You can tell them a story of a small man that changed his entire life to save his country. A man that puts his country before his personal relations. You aren’t perfect and no one should expect that. So, write something about yourself, take it as progress for your therapy. We are all glad you are doing it. You were hurting yourself just as much as the girls. Fill that out, then I have something else I need to show you.” Slowly Steve nodded, took a pen and the clipboard to fill out what he wished. Bucky walked back around his desk and sat down. Nervously he ran his hands through his hair. God, this would be horrible. Steve looked vulnerable for the first time. It would crush him. Slowly he opened the screen with the Club’s stage on it. Emma was off the stage by now. He switched through the several cameras in the building. The crowd really was going wild for her. He found her behind the stage chugging down a bottle of water while Shaw whispered into her ear. She nodded slowly and motioned something to the technician.  
“Steve, now. You can finish that later.” He duplicated the image the screen on the wall and switched back to the security camera facing the stage. Steve raised his head and raised one eyebrow at him.   
“You use your job to spy on strip clubs?” Then his breath caught in his throat as the woman he had been searching for stepped onto the stage. She was still dressed in the bejewelled lingerie and the white cape with the fur trim. Everything white. Everything cold. The White Queen of the stage. Steve heaved himself off the chair and moved towards the screen. Carefully he touched the screen. He whispered a quiet no as she slowly started to move her body for the men in the crowd. Tears sprung into his eyes while he watched her show off to the men in the crowd. Presenting her body. “Turn it off..” he whispered slowly. As Bucky watched his friend he didn’t react immediately. Shocked to see him like this. He had expected anger, but tears? “Turn it off!”, he yelled and moved to punch the wall, but then just lay his head against the wall as tears slipped down his cheeks. Bucky immediately shut down the program. He moved towards Steve, but the other held out his hand. Steve turned away from the wall, swallowed hard, shaking.   
“I’m sorry. I need to leave. I need to get her out of there.” He said determined and clenched his fists.   
“Steve, don’t do that. Give her time to come back. I’ve been watching her for a while now and I think she needed to do something rebellious to get it out of her system. You know she is more the goody-two-shoes type. You can’t just storm the building”, he tried to reason with him. Maybe he had been wrong and Steve had not been ready yet for this.   
“You have been watching her all this time!? I was looking for her! I was bloody worried! How could you keep this from me? Wait, don’t tell me. I don’t care. I need to get going.” With that Steve stormed out of the room towards the garage. Sighing Bucky picked up the clipboard and sat down. Steve had signed it and filled out most of it. He could give this to Miranda. Should he tell Fury about this? He probably knew like he knows everything else. What had he gotten himself into with all these dramatic people?

When Emma came off the stage a second time. She took another water bottle and emptied it. She would need to shower and redress so she can go and see Sebastian with his guests. A glance at the clock let her know that she needed to hurry. Melody already waited for her in their room and helped her out of the outfit. She wasn’t shy around Melody anymore. They had seen each other naked plenty of times. Melody liked to admire her body and Emma saw no problem with that. At least someone really did appreciate her body. She quickly removed her makeup, hopped under the shower, and washed herself. Then she quickly towelled herself off, dried her hair and ran into their bedroom. Melody had picked a silver-plated corset with silver lace trimming around her neck and chest. To go with it white over-knee boots and large silver plates for her forearms. Emma looked at herself in the mirror. Melody was so talented. Not only did it look perfect on her, it also felt like an armour. She felt strong. Emma sat down at her vanity and tied her hair back strictly. No hair out of place. Good that Melody liked to have everything perfect and so there was a silver, round clip waiting for her. She looked like a Lady GaGa doll, but she didn’t mind that. After applying another large amount of makeup, she got up, thanked Melody with a kiss on the cheek and left for Sebastian’s office. They were waiting for her. She had been specially requested from all the girls there.   
When she opened the door, she could already hear the men speaking. There was no reason for her to knock as she was being expected.   
“- I think you’ll see that she is perfect for the job. She is the diamond of the club. There you are. Emma, meet our guests.” Sebastian waved her inside, moved to her side and took her elbow. Emma was surprised at the people expecting her and felt her breath come shortly.   
“Eric. What are you doing here? I don’t think I can help you with anything..” she breathed nervously, carefully fitting herself against Sebastian who stared at her sternly. This was not good.   
“Emma, how lovely to see you. Sit down. We have a lot to talk about. I think you will agree with what I have to say. You don’t need to worry. I don’t need to be a telepath to see you struggling.” Eric said smoothly and held his hand out towards her. She didn’t really have a choice. Although nothing changed her armour did not feel so safe anymore. She didn’t feel strong anymore. Carefully she placed her small hand into his and sat down with him on the plush couch. He caressed the back of her hand. A cold shudder ran up her arm and back down her spine. Eric was dangerous. He left the academy. He wanted mutant supremacy. This was dangerous. She shouldn’t be here.   
“What do you want from me? I can’t give you anything you need.” It was her try to be strong, but Eric’s ghostly smile scared her. They couldn’t want anything good from her.  
“We want you to join us. Sebastian here is a good friend of mine and we all have a common enemy. Even you Emma, don’t deny it. Shield. They are harming our country, our brothers and sisters. Ah, ah, ah. Emma, did you know that they have mutants as test subjects? As lab rats? You were lucky. They used you as well, of course, but different. If you would have stayed they probably would have done that later. Ask your friends. Ask about Wanda and Pietro.” Emma shook her head slowly. She was the only mutant at Shield. People looked at her strangely. They wouldn’t do that if they had more around, or would they?   
“Eric, I am not against Shield. I had personal reasons for leaving. So please. Leave me alone with this. I am not supporting any war against Shield. Please reconsider your actions. I’d hate to relive all of these fights. They were not worth it, were they? Shield is doing what it can. If you should be against anything, then against Hydra from what I understand, but I don’t understand any of this anyway. I just don’t want to support this.” Carefully she removed herself from Eric’s side and raised herself off the sofa. “I am sorry to be a disappointment for you. I also think that I have overextended your welcome Sebastian. I will leave tomorrow morning. It is time for me to move on. I have finished with the X-Men and Shield. That is not my life anymore.” Emma could see Sebastian clenching his jaw, he wasn’t happy with her answer, but they had to take it. Before he could say anything Eric beat him to it in a calm voice. “Should you change your mind in the near future I do hope that you will turn to us. We were hoping for the support of such a strong woman. You are special Emma, Charles and I have told you this before, but you are growing into your position. Your body and powers. You are an astounding woman. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” As he spoke he walked towards the door and opened it for her to leave. Emma quickly strode out of the office towards the back of her room. She would need to pack and leave. If the Brotherhood had found her then the others would as well.   
Bucky took the document to where Miranda was pacing in front of their computer scientists. They were setting up the information platform. She stared at him annoyed, but then her eyes softened as she recognised him.   
“Here. I think you might like to have this.” He smiled at her and gave her Steve’s documents. She would know what to do with it. Miranda took the file into her hands and quickly read over it after a relieved smile crossed her lips she gave him a kiss. He had earned it after all. Bucky let his hands drift through her hair and kissed her forehead.   
“Thank you”, she breathed and gave the papers to one of her coworkers. “Set his page up. I want this done by tonight. It's going up in 3 hours. Get to work.” Bucky grinned slightly at her authoritative voice. No one would dare to approach her as he did. Her cuddly side was his and no one else’s. As her coworkers got to work, she took his hand and tugged him out of the room into the hallway.   
“Did he say anything? Sharon is absolutely distraught over all of this. He can’t just turn up, break up and leave. I mean, she had it coming, but it’s not right.”   
“Miranda. He did it. He finally ended it and that’s better than continuing to lead her on. We know he isn’t good at this stuff. That’s why he has a therapist. Sharon knows this and she dug her hole herself. Leave him be. I think I’ve done enough damage for one day without you also biting his head off.”   
“What have you done?” she asked warily. He could see that her mind was already running a thousand seconds a mile to figure him out, so he gave her a strained smile.   
“I told him about Emma. He has a right to know. Look, Emma is working herself into a pit. What she does is not helping her or anyone else. Steve can call her, talk to her, and apologize.”  
“Oh go, no. James. He isn’t ready. Emma left for a reason. Emma needs time and she doesn’t need to know that everyone here has been spying on her. You should have left it alone and left her time to get around. He’ll ruin everything. She doesn’t even answer any of our texts, what do you think she will do if she sees Steve?”  
“What makes you think that he’s going there? I haven’t told him where she is and told him to stay here and leave her the time she needs.”  
“Oh, please. As if he would listen to that.” She scoffed and sighed. “I bet you everything I have that he’s already on the way because he just went to security and had them pin her down. Shall we go check if a car is missing, or will you just agree that it was a stupid idea!” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. She was probably right and he did have a feeling that Steve wasn’t listening to him. He groaned annoyed and leant against the wall, tugging at his hair.   
“I can see you agreeing with me, but I don’t hear it. You know where I am. Get back to your station and keep an eye on her. I’d like to avoid any mutant outbursts.” He watched her leave with a satisfied smirk, he had rather hoped to steal another kiss, but she seemed unwilling to spare him another minute so he went back to his office and kept Emma on the screen. How he wished that he hadn’t told Steve.   
As quickly as she could Emma through her things into a bag. She didn’t want to take any of the clothes Melody had made for her. They belonged to the club and they were Mel’s ticket out of here. To do something with her life. She was sure that Melody could be a costume designer somewhere, she was really talented. She just needed the chance. Emma was half expecting the club to burst off its hinges because of Eric but nothing happened. While she tried to pack everything as quickly as she could her phone went off. After seeing it was Steve again she let it ring expecting him to just give up after a while, but it continued buzzing and buzzing. She threw the phone into her handbag so the picture of Steve ould stop looking at her. This was all wrong. Having Eric here could only mean trouble and as far as she knew Sebastian was not a part of the Brotherhood, at least he never made any implication of that kind. He always seemed nice. Of course, she had seen him lash out from time to time, but never seriously dangerous. Eric is dangerous. She really hoped none of the others got pulled into this. The loud music from the club drifted away the more hectic she became. The others wouldn’t know that she had left until their shifts finished. Emma didn’t even know where to go. The professor should know about this, but then they would ask her to return to the academy or to Shield. No, she couldn’t go there. A soft knock at her door ripped her out of her thoughts and Melody stepped inside the room. Worry flickered over her face as she saw the state of the room.   
“What are you doing? Why are you packing?” She closed the door behind her and stared surprised at Emma’s bags on the bed. Nervously Emma swallowed and closed the bag. She could feel the hard vibrations of the phone through the material of her bag. Steve just wouldn’t give up, would he?   
“I need to go. I’m sorry, Melody. I’m very grateful for what you’ve done, but this needs to end for me. Its time to leave.” Emma said as she sat on her bed. She wanted to get changed before she left. She really hoped to leave unnoticed because of Eric. He just seemed too nice. Too accepting of her decision. They probably waited for her to leave and would pounce on her and force her to do whatever they wanted.   
“You can’t just leave. What happened? It’s the middle of the night.”   
“Come on, Melody. It’s not like this is a good job. I just want to be done. This isn’t helping me ge over and away from Steve, and I’m not sure if I like the way Sebastian runs his business. Look, my answer isn’t changing. I’m leaving, and you should too. Promise me, that you’ll get out of here. You don’t need this. You could be a costume designer or fashion designer. Just get away from here.” Sighing she stared at the brundet in front of her and then pulled her into a fierce hug. Melody really was better than all of this, but taking her with her would ust risk her life depending on what Eric had planned for her. If they were going against Shield then it wasn’t good. Maybe he should have answered her phone, asked Steve if it is true. If they test mutants. That’s not what she wanted. Mutants don’t belong in labs.   
“I have no idea what’s gotten into you. Just calm down. Look, there’s a guy out there waiting for you. He said he wants to talk to you. Buisness first, then come back and explain whats going on. I am really worried. You’re flipping out.” Melody squeezed her friend and then let Emma go. “He’s waiting in front of the club. He seemed a bit uptight.”   
“Uptight? Okay?” sighing Emma left the room and walked through the club. This was wrong she should be leaving. It could be one of Eric’s men. Mentally Emma prepared herself for a fight and asked the security guys to keep an eye on the front door. She really didn’t need any creep tonight. Hopefully it was just a creep, they were easy to overpower. As she stepped out of the club she drew her arms tightly around herself. It was colder than she had expected, but then her eyes met a sight she hadn’t expected. There leaning against the wall, nervously folding his hands was the man she tried not to see. The last person she needed to see right now. Then again it was comforting to know that it wasn’t the Brotherhood trying to kidnap her.   
“Steve?” her voice wavered as she worked to find the strength of her voice. His blue eyes snapped up and he stared at her. His emotions hit her. Anger, fear, disappointment, shame, arousal. His eyes wandered over her body and for the second time that night her armour felt less like that and more like she was naked. Naked and vunerable.   
“Emma. I.. “ He tried to find the words that he had worked up over all this time. The words his therapist helped him with but nothing came to him. The light of the Club slowly disappeared as the door closed, but he could still see her. Her body in that skimpy little thing. The loud music drifting out of the club reminded him of his reasons. People had seen her like this. Had lusted over her body, but that wasn’t what they were supposed to be doing. They should worship her milky, soft skin. Kiss her neck until she softly moaned. No. That was his job. Not theirs.   
“What are you doing here, Steve? How did you find me?” Emma asked trying to sound strong. She could see his inner battle, but she wouldn’t listen. This all had been great training to shut out more people with less of a strain. If he had something to say he would have to do so. No mind reading. No easy way out anymore.   
“Emma, I want to apologize.” He cleared his throat loudly, nervously. “I am sorry for everything. Truly. I am with a new therapist because of my problems. I don’t want to tell you that what you saw was not what it was, because it was heading that way. I was just so angry. I just can’t seem to do my job right and everything I do becomes a mess. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but listen to me. Please. I want to tell you everything that happened and that there is nothing that you have done to justify what I did.” His hands were becoming awfully sweaty so he tried to hide them away in his pockets.   
“Steve, I don’t if that is a good idea. I don’t think that there is anything you can say that could make me feel better. I came here to be away from you.” The strength in her voice just wouldn’t come back. Steve here was just too much for one evening. She wanted to curl up and cry, but it wasn’t the time for that. There were things to do. Steve wouldn’t see her weakness.   
“Please. I am begging you” his desperate voice tugging at her heart strings.   
“Fine, but we stay out here. In there is not the place for you and I don’t want to draw attention to this.”   
“Alright.” He nodded, took off his jacket and gave it to her. Reluctantly she layed it over her shoulders and drew it around her. It was so lovely warm and smelled of him.   
“Right.” He sighed, then looked her into her eyes to tell her his story. “Sharon was in my team and we got along right away. She’s Peggy’s granddaughter. She wanted to know what her grandma was like in those days and it as nice to hear about Peg’s life. I thought we were friends and I felt comfortable talking to her. I didn’t realize she was slowly getting to me. Wasn’t really a fan of yours. I’m not saying that this isn’t all my fault, but she did influence me a lot. Nothing had happened before the day that you.. I just snapped on that day. I never got the chance to be with Peggy and she was giving me this illusion that I could have that, but I can’t. That is over. Peggy’s old and she lived a full and happy life. That’s all I ever wanted for her. So after you left I as trying to find you, but the others wouldn’t help me. After a while I agreed to see Dr. Collins. He is new. Because of me. I talked to him about everything. At least I tried. When I knew you wouldn’t answer I started going on more missions. Buried myself in work. I didn’t realize Sharon thought we were dating. There was never a moment where I thought about a relationship with Sharon. I just didn’t realize it meant something to her. So I broke it off this morning. Buck made me see that there was something going on. I never meant to hurt you. I’m just some idiot that is unable to have normal social bonds. I really wanted us to work out, and I messed up. You were right. We were going too fast and everything around us was just too much, but please. Please, I am begging you. Leave this place.” Emma stared at him as she tried to process what he said. She always knew that Peggy would always loom over them and he would always love her, but this? Unconsciously she drew his jacket closer around her small frame.   
“All of that doesn’t excuse how you treated me.” She said staring into his eyes. The hurt was tugging at her. This is what she wanted. Her knight to come in and save her. But Steve was no knight in shining armour.   
“I know that, Emma.. But I can also see that you are shivering, and I can see what’s going on in your eyes. I’m not asking you to trust me or come with me. Not even your forgiveness, because I haven’t earned that. I’m concerned. For you. This place isn’t you. These people in there don’t care about you. They only care about an image they can get off on. I’m begging you. Leave this place.” Slowly he moved closer to her, when she stayed put he lay his arms around her and drew her against his chest in a vain attempt to keep her warm.   
“Don’t. please. This isn’t right. You hurt me. You threw all of these things at my head and lied to me. Everything I worked for you threw away.” Tears pooled in her eyes as she let him hold her. Her small hands grabbed his shirt and clenched into a fist.   
“I know, I am so sorry.” A lone tear ran over his cheek at her broken expression. He kissed her forehead and held her tight against him. “I never meant to hurt you.”   
“Don’t leave, please.” Eric was wrong. She didn’t have a reason to go against Shield. She didn’t trust Steve. He hadn’t earned her trust, but she couldn’t deny that getting over him was something she hadn’t achieved yet. His hand brushed carefully through her sternly tied back hair.   
“Never.” Carefully he opened her hair clip, and tugged the band out of it. Carefully he ran his hand through her hair. Slowly she raised her head to stare at the man before her. He seemed so much like the man she had missed. The one she fell in love with. His honesty and care. His eyes lingered on hers, then flickered down to her lips. She could see him hesitate. The question was there. No mind reading required as she slowly leaned her head in to his to accept his lips on hers. A warmth spread through her, ran up her spine into her cheeks and back down to pool in her stomach. She had missed this so much. Slowly she released his shirt with one hand and reached out to stroke his hair. Emma could feel him smile softly as they kissed. Curiously she withdrew her head to see him smile teary eyed. He was buzzing with emotions and Emma couldn’t help but smile softly.   
“Come with me” she whispered against his lips.   
“Where?” he mumbled, and stroked her cheek.   
“Anywhere” she laughed quietly, as she lay her head against his chest. She could feel his strength and it didn’t help that she knew what she could expect underneath that shirt. For a while they just stood there. Enjoying the warmth of their embrace. With a slight laugh, she looked at him. “You know, you never did tell me how you found me.” What she didn’t expect was his serious stare as he carefully let go of her, clearly looking for the right words.   
“Steve? How did you find me?” she said with a bit more force in her voice. His soft sigh worried her more than ever. Had she been to rash with her trust again?   
“Shield was watching you. They can see everything your security guys see. I’m so sorry, Emma. Bucky watches the field agents and he only told me today that you are also on his list. They know everything. With Hydra out there. It was for your safety. If anything happened we would have sent someone out.” She couldn’t believe it. She was being watched all this time? Everyone at Shield knew what she is doing? Emma felt sick. Her stomach tied into knots as she tried to make sense of what he was saying, but there was one flaw. She wasn’t an agent. She was only an outside employee and that had ended quite a while ago. There was no reason for them to watch her unless there was.  
“Oh god, you’re lying. I’m not a field agent! I stopped working at Shield months ago! How can you do this to me? How can you lie to me right now? They’re keeping tabs on me because they are scared I’ll tell some little secret. Well guess what I don’t even know anything! Let me guess, you only had to ask a low tech guy to find me on the map because Shield knew exactly where I was the whole time!”   
“Emma, no. I’m not lying to you. I wouldn’t do this now. Please, calm down” he half shouted and tried to take her back into his arms. Desperately trying not to lose her again.   
“No! I won’t calm down! Shield can’t just watch me! They have no reason for it! I am not some threat! I bet you knew about this. You know everything in Shield and now I am supposed to believe that you didn’t know they were watching me!?” his pleading met an icy stare as she took off his jacket and hurled it at his chest.   
“Emma, please. I can explain” he tried to reason with her, but she wasn’t listening. She was angry. Shield had no right to follow her. To invade her privacy. She was never an agent and never gave consent to any of it.   
“You know what? I really believed you for a minute. I was going to leave and ask you to come with me. Anywhere except Shield and now this. How the hell am I supposed to fucking believe anything you say with all of this?”   
“I don’t lead Shield! Fury does. I had nothing to do with this and I only found out today! Emma, please. You can trust me.” He caught his jacket and tried to go after her, catch her hand.   
“Don’t you dare! Tell me one thing. One. Thing. Honestly. Who are Wanda and Pietro?” she tried to calm herself enough to hear his answer, but her mind was filled with rage. Rage at Shield. Rage at the Brotherhood who had found her before even Steve had. If they were protecting her then they clearly never listened to anything she had said about Magneto.   
“Wanda and Pietro? They’re new. Mutants. We found them in South Africa. They’re in New York with Tony. He’s running some tests on them to see how far their powers reach. They’re incredible. She can change reality with her hands and he is really fast.” When he raised his head, he expected to see her still angry or calm, but not crying. He could feel his throat tighten as he took in her small form shaking with subdued sobs. “Emma? I don’t understand. What has all of this got to do with us?”   
“You’re using them! They are humans not lab rats! How could you?” she cried as she turned and stepped away towards the door. “Leave. Don’t you dare come back and tell Fury to get his fucking nose out of my life. If I ever see you here again I will call the police.”  
“Emma, no. Please, you don’t understand!” he tried to move after her but an invisible wall stopped him from getting anywhere near her. “Emma!”   
“Goodbye, Steve.” As fast as she could she fled inside. She could still hear him call her name. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed. The clients couldn’t see her like this. She needed to get to the back unseen. After only a few steps she was stopped by a warm hand on her elbow.   
“Everything all right dear? You look terribly upset?” a familiar voice drawled at her. It was not caring or compassionate, it was as if she could hear the smirk in his voice.   
“I’ve changed my mind, Eric. What do I have to do?” she stared up at the man who she mistrusted with every ounce in her body, but he had been replaced. Sheer anger and rage filled her at Shield. They had no right to treat mutants this way. 

It was exactly 10pm at night. Miranda stared at her co-workers and gave them the signal. She saw him click a button and instantly they were out there. All of their information accessible to the public from one small website with all agents on it. They had worked hard for this, but Shield was back.   
“We are online, Miss.”   
“I can see. Good work all of you. Go home. We have a lot coming towards us now.”   
She watched her personnel leave. They were all tired. The work had taken everything out of them so they could stay within their time frame. Miranda had alerted all the important news agencies of what was going to happen. Now it was time to wait and see what happens and how they deal with it. A soft knock at her door tore her out of her thoughts.   
“Come in?”   
She smiled tiredly as she saw James step into the room. He moved towards her, took her hand into his and kissed her forehead.   
“Are you worried?” she asked tentatively.   
“Yes, but this is the right thing. I’m prepared for any consequences.”   
“It wasn’t your fault.”   
“It doesn’t matter anymore, love.” She wrapped her arms around his bulky torso. They were online and everyone could read their stories. Everyone would know about what they had done. It was out of their hands.


End file.
